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[#] Thu Feb 06 2020 06:19:16 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this yet - but it came to me in a dream - and I've got an idea - I just don't know how to execute it yet. 

By the way - Most of you don't really understand Wall of Hate or Citadel, I think. 

You know you can create your OWN rooms, right, on any topic you want to discuss? 

You can also create your own BLOG here. I'm not sure the difference - but I imagine that blogs are more for you to create permanent style posts that can be scrolled through, whereas a room is more like a flowing conversation. 

This is a room. For now. It might become my blog. 

 

 



[#] Wed Mar 18 2020 12:25:53 MST from TheDave

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I could, but all the topics I want to talk about are already covered.



[#] Fri Mar 20 2020 14:54:51 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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I'd already forgotten about this - or even making this room. I have had a lot of things on my plate, though. 



[#] Tue Jul 28 2020 15:33:48 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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Every time I build a retro computer and get it on the network, I want to connect to oldschool style BBSes for a while - and with the web interface, this is actually really awesome. I wish I could get a few more of you hooked. If I could keep it more reliably accessible, I guess that would help. I'm considering paying for a business account so I can get a static IP address.

[#] Tue Jul 28 2020 15:34:13 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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But I'm not sure if I want to drop that kind of money just to have you all continue to ignore this place. :)

[#] Tue Nov 10 2020 20:57:43 MST from TheDave

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It's funny because my last post in this room feels like yesterday to me.  As I get older my time continuity tends to gravitate to activities instead of the calendar.



[#] Tue Nov 10 2020 21:21:38 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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It seems like a different BBS, a different time. I couldn't be bothered fuck all about this place. Now it is critical to me. 

 



[#] Wed Nov 11 2020 10:42:56 MST from TheDave

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Yeah, censorship will do that to a person lol



[#] Thu Nov 12 2020 09:49:45 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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The ironic thing is that I argued with my friends from Ohio, who are all younger, tirelessly about the risks of not voting for Trump. Several of them were adamant, and it was solely on character issues. "The guy is an asshole!" 

So what. 

But anyhow, in true Ohioian fashion - even though they WON the WAR, they themselves actually lost. 

Who would have thought Ohio would have stayed Red and *Arizona* would have flipped red. Just another one of those inconsistencies. I remember something about a Republican President absolutely needing to take Ohio to win - that no Republican who had lost Ohio had won the Presidency, ever. 

Now we've got a Republican who WON Ohio and lost the presidency, anyhow. 

2020 does suck. 



[#] Thu Nov 12 2020 09:51:34 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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Speaking of which... 

If everything that could go wrong in 2020 has gone wrong... 

Doesn't it stand that Biden winning the election is the OPPOSITE of good news. I'm not sure the Democrats have thought this all the way through. 

I bet the Mayans are feeling pretty smug right about now. 

"We told you so. Your date count was wrong, not our prediction." 

 

 



[#] Fri Nov 13 2020 11:54:53 MST from sean

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Electoral Precedent 2020

Thu Nov 12 2020 09:49:45 MST from ParanoidDelusions

The ironic thing is that I argued with my friends from Ohio, who are all younger, tirelessly about the risks of not voting for Trump. Several of them were adamant, and it was solely on character issues. "The guy is an asshole!" 

So what. 

But anyhow, in true Ohioian fashion - even though they WON the WAR, they themselves actually lost. 

Who would have thought Ohio would have stayed Red and *Arizona* would have flipped red. Just another one of those inconsistencies. I remember something about a Republican President absolutely needing to take Ohio to win - that no Republican who had lost Ohio had won the Presidency, ever. 

Now we've got a Republican who WON Ohio and lost the presidency, anyhow. 

2020 does suck. 



 



[#] Fri Nov 13 2020 13:48:30 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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Yeah, the cartoon makes a good point. 

They congratulated Biden, though - they meant Harris. 

They have to keep reminding Biden he is President, not a Governor. 

"The Democrats have never elected someone with early onset dementia..."  until 2020. 

 

;) 

 



[#] Fri Nov 13 2020 13:51:46 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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I just remembered how much fun they made of Reagan by the end of his second term for not always having it altogether. 


But Reagan was doing *fine* at the START of his second term. 

There are some silver linings to a Biden presidency - and one is going to be ragging on the Left for electing a President who would fit in wandering around Sun Lakes not sure who he is but pretty sure he just got back from The War. 



[#] Fri Nov 13 2020 13:58:06 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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I mean - as far as Arizona flipping blue and Ohio, generally a decisive Swing state, going red... 

My point was *more* that my friends in Ohio, as usual, all lost. The ones who voted for Biden, they didn't matter to their State. The ones who voted Trump, they didn't matter, to their nation. That is how Ohio runs - it can lose both ways at once, but it very rarely WINS anything. 

Unless there was *massive*, *MASSIVE* voter fraud in Arizona - which may be the case - even if Trump won, he won by a close margin. So it is likely that if Arizona *didn't* flip blue, it came CLOSE to flipping blue - and we've know things were headed that way for a while in Arizona. It is probably more surprising to the REST of the country than to us. 

Our problem is idiots from California who can't afford a decent lifestyle and are out of work keep fleeing here, but they drag the politics that drove them from California here with them. Seriously. I actually saw the first small tent cities appearing in Tempe, recently. Like San Diego, they're starting in industrial areas in underpasses. 

We should shut down the economy for a while and see how many more we can grow. 

 



[#] Sun Nov 22 2020 01:37:28 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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Every now and then I step outside of myself. Your life gets taken for granted, because you live it every day on the inside - and so it just becomes normal, and so you don't appreciate the things you have. I've got this incredible home office - the cabinets and desks alone were several thousand dollars. I've got a Macbook Pro, a Surface Pro 5, a desktop gaming system with an i7, 32gb of RAM, a Geforce 1080 and 2080... 4 FPGA devices... a retro game room right out the door with even more good stuff, and a Denali 2500 in the garage. 

I'm not really bragging about all of this. I'm *amazed* that I have all of this. 

I've got a friend who has a pro-modified Vette that is probably a $250,000 car by now - and he just bought a McLaren. His daily driver is a F350 Platinum that makes my Denali look getto, and his wife drives a brand new Kia Stinger - I'm not jealous that I have a friend with toys that are so much better than mine. 

For one thing, he doesn't have all this other shit I have. I've got at least $50k tied up in computers and retrogaming. That, and the truck, and I'd be well into a Vette nearly as nice as his, if that was the choice I wanted to make. 

But mostly, I'm in awe that I've got a friend who has such nice toys. I don't feel like I should be living this life, even vicariously. Guys doing that well usually don't want to hang out with guys as much of a liability as I am. 

I feel so fortunate, lucky and undeserving of the life I've lived. I feel gratitude for every little thing - even the $80 Macbook Pro I brought back from the dead. 

My wife is a huge part of my success. Not just financially - but... spiritually. I guess. Not necessarily in a religious sense - but if that is how the statement appeals to you, that is fine too. But just in a cosmic pairing sort of way. I trip on how I'll never know what it would have been like without her, sometimes. I *might* have ended up better off, or I might have ended up broke or dead - but I don't think my life would have been as full without her. 

I know I've lead a blessed life. 










[#] Mon Jan 04 2021 17:39:59 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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So, I've purchased my dead Macbook Pro and brought it back to life, I've bought a couple i7 systems and installed Debian and Citadel on them, I've built my retro-museum, I've bought a few guitars and taught myself how to play the couple of songs it was most important to me to be able to play, so that they are recognizable... 

I finished all the major retro-game titles that I had always wanted to complete - from Ultima III to Myst. I tried some other ones that I thought might be interesting - and they weren't. 

Social media bores me. TV bores me. Lately even drinking rather bores me. 

I'm not even very disappointed that this place isn't getting any traffic. I try alternative social media sites - and I remember why I quit Facebook. People aren't just annoying - they're boring. 

But I am lacking in motivation, too. There are projects that I wanted to do, that I start to do, and then I don't have the drive to finish them. I'd like to write up a HowTo doc describing making an Amiga .hdf file and building your own Amiga workbench on WinUAE or MiSTer. That seems like something people want. 

I'd like to write some Amiga documentation - I'd like to migrate this BBS to a 1TB SSD and make it actually "The Amiga Archives," again - upload the documentation and the files necessary to actually complete the build here. I'd like to buy another 250mb SSD and make an "archive backup" image of the BBS. I'd like to figure out a better way of backing up the BBS.

But it also sounds like a lot of effort, all of that. 

So maybe I'll just sit here and talk to myself on my BBS. 

 

And I know lately this kind of general apathy has been diagnosed as "clinical depression," but I'm not particularly depressed. I'm enjoying my family and the things they are enjoying. My daughter got a Vespa and she loves it, and I'm excited and engaged in her excitement for that. My wife and I have been having fun with the telescope, and I've been relatively engaged in that. Although I just found out that some of the problem with reflector telescopes is that you need to do something called "collimating" it, where you align the telescopes to the eyepiece to get the best image - that sounds like a lot of effort, and I'm not super excited about THAT. 

 

We had a family whole home cleaning day, and I cleaned up all the dog shit in the back yard, which had been accumulating for a while. I enjoyed that. Honestly - mindlessly grabbing little sun-dried biscuits of tiny-dog turds and throwing them in a bag under the sunshine was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon. 

We bought a Dewalt 18V portable high power inflator with digital pressure gauge, and I had a blast with that pumping up the tires in my Z3. It is going to make my life a lot easier with tire pressure maintenance. I enjoyed that. 

But it is the general idea that we've gotten to this point in society where if you post a message about how you're apathetic about most of your passions because you've really done almost all the things you want to do with those passions - you've got to proactively disclaim that you're not suffering clinical depression before some asswipe comes along and offers their WebMD Degree insight into your mental state that *is* part of the problem. 

I have largely given up on people. I've developed an itchy finger hair-trigger for blocking strangers the minute they annoy me - and I keep considering going back to Facebook and exercising that through my friends list and seriously paring it down to just people I actually have valuable interaction with. That would be a VERY short list. 

But that seems like a lot of work too, just to make Facebook happy that they can continue to exploit the free traffic I generate. 

As a merchant, Amazon sucks a dick - because they know that they've got you cornered. Their customers won't come to your market place, even if they love your product. This is part of the problem I have with humanity right now. They'll LOVE our stuff on Amazon - and even though it would be BETTER FOR THEM to buy directly from us, they won't - they won't even look, but even if we told them how to, they wouldn't. Even if we were cheaper, they wouldn't. They prefer to make Amazon dominant. 

Facebook is like that with content. I can blog or post videos and images all day long somewhere else - on Facebook, that content gets constant engagement. Anywhere else, I can't drag people kicking and screaming to it. The same content - and they love it - I get HUGE engagement positive and negative, on any big social media site. But I can't get those same yahoos to follow me to some alternative site. They would rather sift through the crap on Facebook and think, "Things were so much more fun interesting when he used to make posts. I wish he would come back." 

Because people are idiots. 

Worse than losing my faith in the "system," over the last couple of years, I've lost my faith in *people*. 
 


[#] Mon Jan 04 2021 17:52:11 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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I mean, even something as trivial as setting up FS-UAE on my Mac so I can make the Mac emulate an Amiga... it isn't all that difficult - I just don't have the motivation. 



[#] Wed Jan 13 2021 18:21:03 MST from boxfiddler

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I suspect motivation is about to become non-existent in much of the world citizenry.  I mean, why bother?  Very little " is allowed" any more, the global agenda is socialism/Communism, everybody gets screwed.  Except of course, for the elites all large and in charge. 

Mon Jan 04 2021 17:52:11 MST from ParanoidDelusions

I mean, even something as trivial as setting up FS-UAE on my Mac so I can make the Mac emulate an Amiga... it isn't all that difficult - I just don't have the motivation. 



 



[#] Wed Jan 13 2021 20:21:33 MST from ParanoidDelusions

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And meritocracy will start to be abolished. All labor is equal in making the nation great - and it encourages class division to reward one position substantially more than another. 
I did buy another 240gb SSD to make a gold backup of the Sanitarium. The BBS will probably be down for an hour or two sometime this weekend while I image the drive. Not that there aren't entire days when no one logs in - but, I assume that when I take it down, that will be when EVERYONE tries to connects and assumes it is finally gone for good. 

This is to ensure it is *never* gone for GOOD. 

I also bought a 128GB microSD for the Pi400. I thought I'd be good with the 18gb it comes with - and one amiga .hdf file disabused me of that fantasy. 

Wed Jan 13 2021 18:21:03 MST from boxfiddler

I suspect motivation is about to become non-existent in much of the world citizenry.  I mean, why bother?  Very little " is allowed" any more, the global agenda is socialism/Communism, everybody gets screwed.  Except of course, for the elites all large and in charge. 

Mon Jan 04 2021 17:52:11 MST from ParanoidDelusions

I mean, even something as trivial as setting up FS-UAE on my Mac so I can make the Mac emulate an Amiga... it isn't all that difficult - I just don't have the motivation. 



 



 



[#] Wed Jan 13 2021 22:11:07 MST from ParanoidDelusions

Subject: I've been feeling this a LOT lately

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There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.